Today is day 8 after chemo, and I am feeling pretty good... and as I write this I feel like I need to KNOCK ON SOME SERIOUS WOOD- MAYBE EVEN A LARGE TREE - in hopes that it stays this way. No chest cold this time, I have my voice- yeah!, minimal hot flashes (must've been a mini-menopause), nausea is controllable.. only 'new' thing is some joint and bone pain but it's not too bad (althought i am VERY Tired as expected, they say that part is cumulative, but hey, I love to nap!). While I am in still in the middle of round 4, I am surprised how well it's going. Even this week it still feels surreal that I am 'in chemo' but the great news is that I am two-thirds done!
I have chemo on June 9th (last day of school, so bummer there as I'll miss some of the fun) and then June 30th will be my last one. And it's finally in round 4 that I REALLY took it easy; I slept a TON, read a few books, relaxed as much as I am able to, and took much needed time off work for recovery. If you've talked to anyone who's gone through a 6 cycle chemo, many say round 4 is a biatch, so I am relieved that I was somewhat spared (again, heading outside to knock on the large conifer in my yard...). In all honesty, this week was a little challenging; I had a tiny bit of a pity party earlier in the week (Mr Brian can provide details on that if interested); it was mainly just me being sick of 'being sick' from chemo, but now that I am coming out of the chemo brain haze, I am psyched to see the light at the end of tunnel on this chemo crap. CHEMO BRAIN, as it's called, is for real! Earlier on I was comparing it to 'pregmentia' but it's really beyond that and is worsening as I go further into the treatments. For several days I have severely diminished comprehension and analytical abilities, and am completely unable to focus on anything. As a self proclaimed queen of the multi task in normal times, it's amazing how I can't focus on anything these days. Needless to say, the kids are taking full advantage and are outsmarting me on all fronts. Luckily the intense part of chemo brain only lasts for 4 or 5 days. I am told, however, that the lingering effects can go on for up to 10 years, so there is my permanent excuse for everything I forget and mess up til I turn 50- ha ha ha.
June is a big month for everyone and particularly for us it seems! In addition to summer break starting, I am so excited that my brother and sister and their families are coming in town in mid June. Jim, Chris and the kiddies come in from Colorado on or around the 15th, and then Tara, Dave and Baby Fiona the following week. They are coming to see moi and to celebrate the baptism of Fiona. We are all VERY EXCITED to see them all and to meet the baby- June is going to be AMAZING!
I have much on tap in July to celebrate being done with my chemo! My second true love, Bono, is in town with his crew and we have VIP tickets- giddeee up! then 4th of July- a big family favorite- and I plan to wear a red white and blue wig this year (anyone have one I can borrow ??!!!??) Then we head to our little piece of heaven outside of Saugatuck in mid July- I CANNOT WAIT for that trip this year- more so that usual. I hope all the regulars recognize me with my new look. Then comes the big day- July 22nd- I turn THE BIG 4-0! I didn't anticipate being bald at 40, but hey, I am here and celebrating so I will not complain! (and mark your calendars for my big 41 party in 2012!). For any of you turning 40 with hair, really, do you have anything to complain about?! joking of course! embrace 40- I plan to! For my birthday, we have secured the Ward family cub tickets for July 22nd, so we are FINALLY taking the kids to Wrigley Field (again, need that red and blue wig!). We are also spending 3 days in the city doing the tourist thing which we love to do.
Back to the little pity party I mentioned above... what really helped me pull out of that this week was the amazing friends, family and community that are supporting me. I am continually amazed at how kind, thoughtful and generous people are, and continue to be, each day. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for all the wonderful meals and the groceries! And for all the unexpected surprises and gestures that seem to arrive daily here! If it wasn't for all of you, we'd have cereal and sandwiches each night; and I'd be a very cranky mommy. The meals have been amazing- and I look forward to trying out some of your recipes when I am back in action. Simple words cannot express my gratitude.
The human spirit is larger than i ever imagined possible. There is kindness and greatness all around us. And life can be so short, often times too short. I lost a cousin this week, someone who always stood out in my mind as a shining light in our world. He went suddenly, and words cannot express the sadness I feel for his wife and children. As a little kid I idolized this cousin, and was amazed at how talented he was, and I loved to see him at family gatherings and listen to him play the piano. I wish now that I had told him how I felt, and I hate that I missed the chance. He will be missed.
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